Thanksgiving is a time when we celebrate blessings. We were so glad to be able to share the holiday with both of our families. It was a fantastic time of fellowship, eating, catching up, shopping (yes, some of us participate in the ridiculous black Friday event), and playing together.
I love the holidays, I always have. This one, however, was particularly difficult for me. You see, we found out Wednesday night that our suspicion earlier in the week had been accurate. We had a miscarriage. Crum Baby #4 will not be joining our family in July.
For those of you that have had a miscarriage, you know that it is both physically and emotionally challenging. With 3 little boys, I felt extremely blessed that Mr. Crum was able to be home with me most of the week. He took excellent care of our boys. Friends rallied around in support of us. Still, it was tough.
From the start of this pregnancy, the word God put on my mind for the baby was "peace." We had decided that somehow "Shalom" would be part of the baby's name. Shalom is more then just simply peace; it is a complete peace. It is a feeling of contentment, completeness, wholeness, well being and harmony.
Again and again over the last week and a half, I have had to remember the peace of God. Because the Spirit is in me, I HAVE his peace. It does not come from me, or from the world around me. The peace that I have in this heartbreaking time is from Him alone.
Tonight I spoke with a friend who had heartbreaking news of her own. My heart aches for her and her husband. They seem to meet adversity everywhere they turn. My friend, I wish I had answers about why a good God lets babies die before they are born. I wish I could tell you why things are happening the way they are in your life. The only thing I can tell you is that I find my peace in Him. I know he is good even when the world doesn't make any sense. Even when the justice system is unjust - he is fair.
Have you had a hard week? How are you holding it together? What do you rely on when times are tough?